Take him for granted

Marriage is an amazing thing, I learn. You get pretty comfortable in the relationship after awhile. You settle on certain daily routine and just go through life together as if you have been married for decades. For me, of course, I’m pretty cozy with married life. Sometimes I felt like I have been married for very long though it’s only barely 2 years. When things get cozy in life, I begin to realise that I have been taking my darling for granted. In truth, I find myself dependent on him much more these days that I suddenly feel scared.

It’s funny how our life has settled into a comfortable routine that I just take it for granted that he will just fix the sink, clean the toilet, change the bulb, chase off lizards (while I go screaming into the house…hehe) and pay for most of everything. I just take him for granted that he will always be there for me. Somehow, I got worried when I realise that I have become so dependent on him that I’m afraid I would not survive without him. Of course, many have told me before how lucky I am to have my darling as a husband who does all the house chores. I have to admit I’m simply blessed to have him as my husband and I thank God for him. He’s really a good husband who always take care of me and always find ways to provide for me. That’s undeniable the best quality of him. I couldn’t have asked for more.  

Nonetheless, I too always try my best to do my part as good wife. I make sure he has enough to eat at home, wash the dishes, take care of him when he’s sick and occasionally I clean the toilet. Hehe! After all, marriage is all about give and take between two persons. It’s just a matter of who gives more and who takes more. Obviously it’s me who takes more in our relationship. Hehe! Just don’t expect me to chase of lizards, I guess I’m ok in giving more in return. Haha!

 

Venusian’s first lesson

Recently I have added something more serious into my reading other than my usual romance. I have heard this famous book by John Gray entitled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. I bet many have read this book. However, it’s my first time buying his book and actually started reading it.

It’s also my first attempt as the Venusian trying to understand how the Martian’s mind works especially in a relationship. In my case, a marriage nonetheless. Hehe! I’m not going to review the book (as I only just started anyway) but rather I’m trying to relate what I have learnt from the book to the Martian that I have married.

The first lesson I have learnt from the first two chapters is generally Martians love to solve problems. They are the problem solvers in the relationships. Every problem they see require a solution. Without it, they feel stress and eventually uncommunicative with them hiding in their ‘caves’ trying to find the solution. They occasionally distract themselves by doing something they like such as playing games, reading news or watching their favorite match. After that, they will resume to find the solution. Once found, they will be back to normal self, living and caring for Venusian as usual.

How true is this lesson or theory in our life? Quite true actually. My Martian is definitely a problem solver, a Mr Fix-It as John Gray terms it. He loves to fix things at home all the time. He needs instant solution to gain satisfaction. He likes to hide in his ‘cave’ (a.k.a. the toilet) to think over whatever that’s in his mind. He also likes to distract himself occasionally with his PS3 or reorganising his stuff at home. I guess I can totally relate my first lesson to my darling, proving him a real Martian.

With this new knowledge, I have actually given more thoughts into my own action. I understand why he needs solitude in his ‘cave’. I understand why sometimes he’s not responsive and why my comment would become criticism in his mind. According to the book, when Venusians complain or talk about a problem, the Martians perceive that the Venusians are not happy with them, hence the Martians will turn edgy to protect themselves. What Martians don’t understand is that Venusians generally love to talk about problems but never really expect the Martians to solve them. We ladies just love to talk, that’s all. We don’t really want to solve problem unlike the Martians. That’s our first conflict.

When I first told my darling about this theory, he’s being sceptical. Thinking that I’m trying to trick him with difficult questions. Hehe! When I explained more, he said he understand but it’s my turn to be sceptical. Not really sure whether he truly understand or not but at least I took the first step to understand him. Hopefully we can have less conflict in our marriage. Who says marriage is easy, right?

 

The 2nd Anniversary

Today is our second anniversary. You probably think I’m nut as I had just talked about my first anniversary early this week and now I’m talking about 2nd anniversary. Hehe! But it’s true. Today is our 2nd anniversary. Of our registered marriage a.k.a. ROM. Hahaha! Two years ago today we had our ROM in JPN Putrajaya. I have been ‘legally’ (see the term – meaning all his assets and money are MINE - :P ) Mrs Looi since two years ago. Hehe! And of course I can’t run away from the term: Aunty Looi. Sigh!

However, we have nothing much in plan for any anniversary. Seriously, we have too many anniversaries in just one month. Hehe! It has become so normal to have anniversaries now. You see I’m not the usual ladies who love anniversaries. These are the time when they get something special from their husbands. I think I’m rather weird as I don’t think much about anniversary. Sometimes I can’t even remember them until my darling reminds me. He’s good at these. He can even remember when we first dating. Imagine that! But remember is one thing, he didn’t get me any present anyway. Haha! Still it doesn’t really matter to me. The most important thing is he’s here with me every day and not just anniversary. He spends all his time with me and not outside with someone else. That’s the best ever present I want to get for the rest of my life.  

Happy 2nd Anniversary, my darling.

 I love this photo. Taken by my best friend, Hilde on the day we said ‘I do’ two years ago.

 

Recap: First year

In honour of our first anniversary, I would like to do a recap of all the wonderful (and less wonderful..hehe) lessons I have learnt so far in the past one year of marriage:

1. Compromise is the main ingredient in any relationship. We may never agree on everything but we compromise. My darling is a super tidy person who always follow certain routine. Anything that may corrupt his precious routine will turn him berserk. Most of the time, it’s his lovely wife that turn him nut. Hehe! After a year living together, I learn to avoid turning him berserk as best as I could, which means I have to somehow follow his dictate. Some may say it’s ridiculous but it’s our best way in compromising. It’s not so bad as he doesn’t expect me to be as tidy as him so he always has to tidy after me, which sometimes turn me nut instead. But I have long accepted him as he is and try hard not to find fault with his routine or habit. However, occasionally I would like to spite him just for fun. Hehe!

2. No matter who has the last say in an argument, we are both winners. We learn something of each others at the end of every argument. The most important thing is to resolve disagreement immediately. Both of us may agree to disagree but no matter what we do we must kiss and hug at the end. Do not bring argument to bed or leave it overnight unresolved. I can never sleep well thinking I have problem with the one sleeping next to me. So we always resolve whatever problem we have. I definitely sleep better knowing we are both assholes who start arguments in the first place but anyhow we love each other very much. Hehe!

3. It takes more than money to maintain a home. Seriously, we spend not just money to decorate and fix our home. We also spend a lot of time, energy and sweat to really clean and tidy our home. Of course, mostly it’s my darling who sweat the most as he does most of the tidying and cleaning. Hehe! But I do my part of cleaning, okay? Which only sweeping and mopping floors. Haha! Our goal is to make a simple apartment to become as cosy and comfy as possible to call it our love nest. No place like home because we put in a lot of love. A married couple should always have a lovely home as this is the place they cultivate their love. Everything starts at home. A good happy relationship at home will bring you further in life.

4. Remember Ronan Keating’s song, “When you say nothing at all”. It’s my darling’s favorite song by the way. Sometimes it’s really amazing how he knows what I’m thinking even if I say nothing at all and vice versa. Sometimes I just have to look at his face and I know what he wants. Somehow we can never hide our feelings from each others. That’s how well we know each others. It’s truly a blessing to have such understanding and I’m glad. Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lot of trial and error and a lot of arguments to perfect it. However, I still don’t think it’s perfect yet and I think it never will. Life is never perfect, right? I know many ladies love to speak her thoughts but what most men perceive are just nagging. That’s why sometimes it’s best to say nothing at all. When I really want to say something significant, I try to share my opinion and open it for discussion. He does the same. We try hard not to be too judgemental or find fault too quick. Of course it’s easier said than done. It takes a lot of patience and effort to maintain a loving relationship. Believe me, we are trying hard every day.

***Remember one important thing: The day you stop trying is the day your relationship comes to an end.

5. Food is the route to his heart. It’s true but that doesn’t mean you have to be a good cook. Sometimes it’s the small gesture you show each others that you love and care. That’s important in a relationship, I believe. I’m not a very good cook but I can cook a few simple dishes. I know what he likes best and I make sure to do just that. I buy his favorite food often and make sure the fridge and cupboard are well stocked. He should never go hungry at home even if I’m not around. I always prepare his breakfast even if it’s simple bread with butter. Some said to me why I don’t let him do it himself. I said although it’s simple and he knows how to do it, I still want to do it for him. That’s the way I show him I care and he always tells me how much he appreciates all the small things I did for him. He always shows me how much he loves me by bringing back my favorite drink. He always brings me out to my favorite KFC and Taiwan noodles. He lets me takes control of both TVs and Hifi and DVD player. He brought back all the seasons of Supernatural. That’s something, right? Haha! Anyway, I know all he did in the home are all for my comfort. That’s how much he cares for me. 

That’s all I can think of for now. Life is a long journey of learning. I bet I have more to share later as life goes on.

 

Happy First Year

I can’t tell you how much it means to me today. It’s our wedding day exactly a year ago. Our first anniversary. Isn’t that something? It does bring back a lot memories to me. The happiness that day. The laughter. The excitement. Hehe!

I can’t believe it that it’s been a year. So fast. It really doesn’t feel like a year. I still feel newlywed. Haha! Honestly, it’s been a good one year. Despite all the argument or disagreement we had, we had great and loving time. Hehe! I’m still trying to adapt more closely to his habit at home as I’m sure he’s also trying to do the same with me. It’s definitely not easy living together as we are so different as individuals. But I’m sure with great patience and understanding, we can live happily together. Hehe! Probably try hard to minimize the times I misplace things at home. Haha!

Happy first anniversary, my darling. Wish we have more to come…Love you.

ps: will love you more if you give me back my kitchen…hehehe!